It’s the middle of the night, so clearly this FAQ won’t be “great” yet, but please bare with me. Making this site takes a lot out of my energy. I’m also a bit disappointed, because I’ve covered most of these in texts that I’ve since lost. I highly dislike writing twice the same ideas.
What It’s About
It’s about telling a story, the story of life, of my life. It’s told in a very deliberate way, for my main intention is to rally hearts around tough subjects to discuss and move forward together. Deliberate being a key word, I’d like to explain it. There are many ways to tell a story. Let’s take a very banal incident from my life, when I was around 17 and lost one of my teeth due to reasons beyond this FAQ. There are many ways to tell it. I could skip it altogether, I could describe it as being sad, I could tell how it became a theme of the suicidal thoughts I had back then, I could go into emotions I felt (or feel I felt…), I could also go into extenuating circumstances, balance it with positive elements and so forth. In some events, I could go on and on about how I felt supported, even blessed, in retrospective. Truth is, for every event, I could describe them in 20 to 100s of ways. When I first felt like sharing my life, at around 18 years old, I wrote it as me being a wolf in a wolf family and everything was meant to be told in a more abstract kind of way. When I write seb.kiwi, however, I’m usually thinking of that person, alone in their room, who feel like their heart is breaking and they feel so incredibly alone in the universe, for they feel they can’t relate, they feel they can’t communicate, they feel people don’t truly listen, they don’t want to bother anyone. To different extent, they feel like they don’t belong and don’t fit in this world. They feel that what they’re feeling is the “wrong thing” to feel. I’ve been that person; in some respects, I’m still that person, so when I write seb.kiwi, I write in words that will usually be chosen so this person that feels alone can be:"Hey, I also sometimes feel that”, “Hey, I felt like that last week”. What I share is true, I won’t create false memories/feelings and when I’m not so sure, for time erase a few things, I’ll try my best to mention it.
What It's Not About
It’s not a cry for help. I can’t understate how hurtful anyone thinking it could be can be. How far off from the reason for this site. In many ways, I know how to “feel better”, I’m just not interested in that. As long as someone is walking in the Valley of Shadows, it’s important, for me, to be available for them and unfortunately, I don’t yet know a great way to both “be there” while not “being there”. Maybe the wisdom to do so will eventually come to me, but for now, to me, it’s still important to walk and move forward, to listen to my heart, to what’s important to me and this is important to me.
Who is it for
I have three target audiences:
- Those who’ve lost someone to suicide.
- Those accompanying someone through depression.
- Those contemplating suicide. I can’t understate how important this is, but please, don’t do it.
My Wishes
- I’d like people to be able to refer to some moments of the site, to send links to the subjects that are hard for them to express to their peers.
- I’ll eventually need insights from mental health professionals, in order to guide the selection of some words.
- I’d eventually like to maybe build a community around it. There’s a reason why there’s “Hope” in the title.
You know me, what to do?
It really depends on what’s your relation to me and how you got here.
I’ve shared this link with you
Usually, I share it only to people I feel could be contributors or that are (or are to become) important cast members. So welcome to what’s hidden behind my eyes. :-) One thing not to do would be to share it with other people I know. There is a time and place for everything and if I didn’t share it with them, it’s most likely because I felt like it wasn’t the right time to do so, either I felt it could hurt them, or I felt they could “hinder” the storytelling in various ways. This project is important to me, I’ve been working on versions of it for 24 years, now. That being said, now that you’re part of the project, if you feel you have meaningful contributions to make, feel free to do so.
You’re someone in a position of power in my life
It’s a bit of a tougher question and it’ll be for another day... :-P I’m sleepy. But short answer, I trust you and your judgment. If you feel like what’s written here does not in any way hinder who I am, then... Hey, welcome ;-) If, on the other hand, you feel it hinders your perception of me, well... It’s OK. I’ll still love you. :-)